emotional abuse

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    Who else over complies and is afraid of upsetting people due to emotional abuse?

    I tend to over comply and give into people for fear of upsetting them. I suppose it's due to the emotional/verbal abuse I endured. Am I alone in this? I also have low self esteem and self worth. I am trying to heal and gain a sense of self respect as well as stand up for myself but fear always gets in the way. What can I do? I also have PTSD from being abused sexually and I suppose part of the PTSD comes from the emotional trauma too. I read that emotional abuse is just as damaging as other forms of abuse. For anyone that has experienced this kind of abuse, how did you heal? Did you confront the person that hurt you? I am in therapy but sometimes that does not seem like enough. I get frustrated with myself for giving in when I should not. I become anxious when I have to have an interaction with someone because I feel guilty when I say no to someone or something. How do I overcome this?

    #EmotionalAbuse #Trauma #PTSD

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    Does writing about trauma help you?

    Writing in detail about my trauma is very unsettling but I also find it to be very liberating. Because I experienced sexual abuse, going into detail drags up bad memories but it also puts a lot into perspective. Does anyone else do this? Does it help at all? I also experienced emotional abuse.

    #SexualAbuseSurvivors #Trauma #PTSD #EmotionalAbuse

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    Consistency

    Something that has really helped me stay on the track to better health is consistency. Staying consistent with treating your mental health (medication and therapy) is wonderful. However there are many other ways you can be consistent in your life too. Consistency has a lot to do with habits and while forming or breaking a habit can be daunting, it is possible. Treat yourself with grace, patience and kindness. You deserve it, especially if you are trying to break a toxic and unhealthy habit. Try to be consistent with your physical health too. Treat your body with the respect it deserves. I personally am attempting to have better physical health. I am making changes to my lifestyle. If you are religious (like I am) or spiritual then try to be consistent there too. I am trying to keep a prayer journal as well as my regular journal. When you are anxious or depressed, remind yourself that it is okay to not be okay but do not let them play tricks on you. You can and will reach your goals with consistency. One of my goals is to heal (as an abuse survivor) to a point where I no longer have crying spells or go into a mental health crisis. What is your goal and how will consistency help you reach it?

    #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #Inspiration #Motivation #CONSISTENT #Health #Anxiety #Depression #thankful #Hope #Religion #Spirituality #Lifestyle

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    Ending Relationships

    Is there a point in which you cannot save a relationship? A few years ago I cut a family member out of my life, she was abusive and toxic. I tried many times to understand her and be respectful. All the while being emotionally abused. Though I did not know it at the time-until now in which I am dealing with the after effects. One of them being #PTSD . I also suffer from low self-esteem, low self-worth and a lack of self respect. It pains me to realize that I had to do that but I came to the realization she is bad for my mental health. I had to cut her off which used to cause me to grieve. Now, I realize that some relationships cannot be saved. Even if they are family. In families there should be no toxicity and certainly no abuse of any kind. Spoke about this in therapy and learned from my group mates that I need to prioritize myself and advocate for myself. The problem is that it is hard for me. I am so used to put everything and everyone ahead of myself. I operate out of fear of conflict and upsetting people. I want to stop acting out of fear. I know this takes time but it frustrates me that the fear gets in the way. I just want to be able to act from a place of self respect. Remember that it is okay to cut toxic people out of your life, especially if they are being abusive or toxic. Do not let people tell you that you have to tolerate that behavior. It's okay to protect your mental health.

    #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD #Abuse #abusesurvivor #Toxic #Family #Relationships #Healing

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    Healing From Emotional Abuse- What To Do?

    Recently realized that I am also a survivor of emotional/verbal abuse. Besides professional help, what do you think I should do?

    #PTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #EmotionalAbuse #help #checkin

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    Finding A Voice In Sharing- The Importance of Speaking Up

    It can be said that abuse survivors often find their voice in speaking up. Some may speak up right away, others don't speak up for years after. For me, I didn't speak up until a few years ago. The abuse started when I was a child and carried on into adulthood. I am not sure why I didn't speak up sooner, I think maybe it's because I didn't know I was being abused. Now, after being out of the situation and working towards processing the trauma and my experiences I can say that speaking up has been one of the best things I could have done. It gave me a voice to my story and it gives me the motivation to keep healing. I am not saying that speaking up is for everyone, only that it has helped me. If you don't want to go to the authorities then tell a trusted friend or family member if you can. Telling anyone lifts the burden off your shoulders and you no longer have to carry the secret of the abuse with you. Guilt and shame are not yours to carry around. It took me a long time to reach a point where I can put the blame on my abusers. My hope is that I can be a voice for others and show them that they are in charge of their lives. You can live a happy and fulfilling life despite what was done to you. The trauma was not your responsibility but now you must take charge of your own healing. *Disclaimer: If you are in a physically unsafe situation then please seek help. No one deserves to be abused, ever.* Use your voice for your healing, even just writing it out can be liberating. I use writing all the time and it has helped tremendously. Whatever works for you, do it. Give a voice to your pain and allow yourself the grace to heal. There is no shame in speaking up. But only do so if you are safe. Stay thankful and blessed my friends:)

    #PTSD #EmotionalAbuse #SexualAbuse #Healing #thankful #Blessed #Inspiration #Voice #Hope

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    Words are the silence that can be spoken

    After reading Tara Westover’s “Educated”, Paula Fox’s “Borrowed Finery”, and Alan Cumming’s “Not My Father’s Son”—Jeanette Winterson’s “Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal?” seemed a natural progression of my literal literary journey through other people’s dysfunctional families.

    Particularly as I have one of those myself.

    I often find myself, leaning into that darkness; conducting a field study of sorts; of the lived experiences of others, to compare against my own. Desperately searching for clues as to how they managed to escape the chaos of familial dysfunction intact, or at least semi intact.

    Doesn’t trauma do that to us all? We seek out answers, explanations, and ways to escape?

    I always found my escape hatch in books, and I can tell that this one is going to be a helluva immersive read. To wit; I’m only on page 8 and already find myself awed by this excerpt:

    “Truth for anyone is a very complex thing.
    There are so many things that we can’t say, because they are too painful. We hope that the things we can say will soothe the rest, or appease it in some way. Stories are compensatory. The world is unfair, unjust, unknowable, out of control.

    When we tell a story we exercise control, but in such a way as to leave a gap, an opening. It is a version, but never the final one. And perhaps we hope that the silences will be heard by someone else, and the story can continue, can be retold.

    When we write we offer the silence as much as the story. Words are the part of silence that can be spoken.”

    Looks like my weekend plans are sorted! What is your current read? 📚

    #MightyBookClub #BookExcerpt #Books #Childhoodtrauma #PTSD #Trauma
    #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder
    #childhoodtraumasurvivor
    #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors
    #Anxiety #Reading #Early Childhood Trauma
    #ChildhoodAbuse #EmotionalAbuse
    #EmotionalNeglect #EmotionalHealth

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    Isolation / Avoidant Attachment / Boundaries ?

    The image says: "My past is an armor I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over." -- Jessica Katoff

    My therapist offhandedly said something about avoidant attachment style a few weeks ago and it totally changed how I think of myself and made me realize how I am really experiencing the world.
    I was always the good kid who did the right thing and helped others. I wasn't wildly popular, but just a solid *nice* person. Up until very recently, I would have told you I was a "people pleaser", and really needed the approval and love of others.
    It turns out I have some serious anger raging inside of me that I never knew was there - and it is anger toward all those people I was nice to, all those people I helped, all those people I smiled at and befriended. All the people I listened to. All the people I never said "no" to. All the people who never *saw* me.
    My last boyfriend told me all the time how he had never felt so well understood by anyone in his entire life until he met me. How could I tell him that I didn't feel at all the same about him?
    I don't know how to stop this angry part of me from putting up a barrier to protect myself after decades of no one even bothering to notice that I might have reason to be angry and that I was in fact angry. I don't know how to switch my thinking from "boundaries" to "giant flaming wall" because I'm angry that I spent all my time and energy understanding other people so well and they never did the same for me.
    I don't even know if this post makes sense, but it is such a wild mind shift for me that I am struggling to know how to think or process things these days. Thanks for reading and for being there.

    #Isolation #avoidantattachment #boundaries #Relationships #Therapy #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #spiritualabuse #EmotionalAbuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #Family #angry

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    Self-created guardian

    While in hospital for my mental health, I was taken off of certain medications to be put on new medication. And during this difficult time I started to write poetry. With ADHD I sometimes struggle to put thoughts together in a way that makes sense.. with creative writing I really learned to express how I feel about my situation.

    So I wrote a poem about our inner self-created guardians, the inner children that we have inside us that still tries to protect us from harm even when we no longer need them. Whether we have this guardian because of abuse of any kind, I wrote this piece so that people could relate to having that inner voice that can sometimes be guilt creating, harmful and overwhelming.

    So while off my meds this is how I strung my thoughts together in hopes that I might find someone who can relate.

    The poem’s name is

    Self-created Guardian:

    Sometimes I'm overcome by a shadow and marked unsafe by feelings of madness,guilt,badness...sadness

    That my own mind runs wild searching for peace, my
    thoughts making me fight with a "ME" that I have
    created out of necessity..

    Now that very creation bothers me not only now and then but incessantly...

    Trying to find a purpose for existing in a world it was not meant for...

    Trying to hold onto the woman that doesn't need her anymore..

    How does one create space in one's mind for a self-created guardian? And still exist as one's own protector? One that I have always been? And never even knew...

    How then do I become truly "ME" without letting go of you? - a poem by Camron Botha

    #MentalHealth #Poetry #creativewriting #Abuse #Survivor #EmotionalAbuse #ADHD #relate #Advocacy #MentalIllness #Love #struggle #medications #poet #Loveothers #wearefamily #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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    He Doesn't Care

    I knew my boyfriend stopped caring about me, but I didn't realize to what extent. I seriously don't think he cares if I live or die. I think I have a URI, because I've had this cold for longer than usual (it's not C***d; I was rested at the doctor), I've had mucus that suggests it (this isn't my first URI), and I'm sick of feeling sicker than usual. I was already sick of being sick and tired, but you know what I mean.

    I lost a silver crown today, and I told my boyfriend. As I expected, he didn't respond. When he has a toothache or anything, I express sympathy, but I get nothing from him.

    I asked for him to turn the temperature down earlier, after using the bathroom and getting all sweaty (he complains I use too many tissues, but one of the things I use them for is wiping sweat off to cool down faster, because it increases my anxiety to be too hot or cold), and as I said in another post, he recently told me when I need the temperature adjusted, he only does so by one degree. I think sometimes he only pretends to change it, because it doesn't feel any different. After several minutes of not feeling any cooler, I asked him again, knowing he'd get angry. He slammed his phone down on the bed, rolled over, and I heard him flip the air conditioner panel, and I think it's a tiny bit cooler now.

    We had to go out today because it was housekeeping day, and I was glad to get some sun, although I definitely didn't feel well. I had gotten kind of stinky from being in bed for well over a week, so I used baby wipes to clean up (the shower has mold and is very slippery). I asked him to do my back, because I couldn't reach, and he snapped at me several times and got angry. I was shaky, sweaty, weak, and anxious from using the bathroom, and that really upset me. I cried a bit in the car.

    I asked him (through text) for cough drops for my throat, because it gets sore and I have a cough, and when I got settled, I asked if he'd gotten them, and he said no.

    I'm scared I'm having withdrawal symptoms from the doctor only giving me 1/2 the prescription (Xanax ER, but she gave me regular Xanax, because it takes longer to get the ER, and there's no guarantee Medicare would cover it, even then) that my (now retired) psychiatrist had. Xanax needs to be tapered VERY slowly, but she said it's the policy of the office to only give 0.05 mg (or mcg, whichever it is). I wasn't drug seeking, which is what I think she thought, but from what I've learned, that's too much too fast to cut a benzodiazepine.

    Anyway, I told my boyfriend about my fears, and as I expected, he ignored me. I'm scared and alone!

    There's more he's done (or not done), but I'll be surprised if anyone reads this far.

    #Abuse
    #EmotionalAbuse
    #mentalabuse
    #financialabuse