guilt

So, here in the UK the kids have been off school for a 2 week break…. About 3 weeks AFTER they’d already had the half term break as Easter came early this year.

Just wondering if there are any other parents on here who reach the point of screaming internally when your day is literally “wake up, clean up, food for kids, make beds, put wash on, take wash out, make more bloody food, wash up again, put dry washing away… Aaaaand keep repeating” 😱😱

I’m bloody exhausted mentally & physically and currently trying to deal with a c-spine that doesn’t want to play ball, crazy muscle pains from scar tissue build up alongside menopause (thank god for HRT!), fibro, thyroid issues, pots, you name it, each year the list gets longer!! I suppose I’m ranting here but it pees me off when it only seems to be me who is capable of seeing that bins are overflowing, or making food, or wiping the bathroom around after use. Child 1 works from home, child 2 is 10 & starting high school in September. DH works from home and is currently in a UC flare up.

I’d started a diploma in diet & nutrition with biochemistry before the break as I need something just for me. I’ve asked numerous times for help with the house - specifically, you mess it up, you clean it up & ask the 10yr old to just keep her room tidy and clean it once a week. Same with the eldest & asked hubby to help with the heavy lifting…… Today I just get back from visiting my mum who has Lewy Body Dementia and is in a care home, to find that washing is still wet in the machine, 10yr old hasn’t actually moved anything to clean her room and the bathroom and kitchen bins are full. Literally screaming inside as I make the beds (had to do those as our elderly cat likes to sleep on them and isn’t always the cleanest bless her), wash up, empty bins and start prepping for dinner.

When I ask 10yr old if she can wash up and then finish her bedroom, I get the grumps and tears reaction!! Go to tumble drier only to find the lint trap is full and so is the condenser unit. I’m the unreasonable one for complaining that I’m the only person to check and clean between washes.

I am soooo bored and so painfully aware that my life is existing and I don’t want to reach my 70s and end up in a care home like my mum. I’m aware that as I reach my very late 40s my life is getting harder pain wise but also it’s slipping away from me. I miss my career, my social life and my health…. I want to scream “STOP I want to get off!” but I know I’m blessed to be a stay at home mum, even if it was the curve ball of ill health that made it possible. If you’ve made it this far in my rant, I apologise, I can’t say anything at home as I feel ungrateful as when I am off my legs Hubby does step up but it’s never the same and as soon as I’m up again, it’s going over everything that’s missed. Anyone else feel this mixture of anger, frustration, guilt & loss???? #EDS #Fibro #mental health #Guilt

I’m so tired. It’s my body yes and my mind but it’s so much deeper. It’s my soul. My soul is tired. I feel everything all the time. I’m in a constant state of fight or flight and panic mode. Even when I’m feeling “good” I’m tired. It’s my go to word for- I don’t know how to explain this but I have nothing left to give right now.
Depression makes me tired and guilty. Anxiety makes me tired, my body, and my soul. It’s being constantly aware, constantly on edge, constantly guilty and ashamed and sad and panicky. I am just so damn tired. #Anxiety #tired #Guilt #sad

I can’t keep my mind from racing. #Anxiety #PTSD #Shame #Guilt #overwhelmed #Caregiving #Codependency #Addiction #IntermittentExplosiveDisorder #Fear #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #PanicAttacks #help

Hi everybody! Hope you're doing well. I would appreciate some comments about something: when I started to experience symptoms like irritability, I used to be all the time with a bad face, and sometimes I yelled my family members for simple things. They used to feel attacked by this, and I tried to explain to them that it was because I was in a period of very bad depression, I asked them to try not to take it personally, and that because I was very irritable, I asked them to try not to talk to me while I was in that state, until I was better... I used to thought that it was a responsable way to deal with it, because those symptoms wasn't going to end anytime soon, so I tried to evoid contact. Even with the explanations, some family members said that I was being rude to them because of the grumpy face, or because they insisted in talking to me while I was like that and I yelled them. When I got better, some family members resented me, and I felt terribly and guilty because of it. When I'm not in a severe episode of depression, I don't use to yell, and can function normally. Anyone has deal with something like this? Some thoughts about this? #Family #symptoms #Guilt #communicating

This happened about 3 years ago now. The peak of Covid. I was going through a media craze and experienced so much toxic behavior from people I’ve spoken to. Suddenly I talk to this great guy from the UK and while things were going pretty fine, I was still so overcome and traumatized from other connections and even more so with a particular guy from Ohio ( I was emotionally manipulated and also love bombed *yikes*) and to put it lightly I’m a very deep emotional person, so I was going through deep waters. I just had a random urge to squash the relationship by insulting his looks and saying crazy obscene things to the point of him being completely offended and ‘shouting’ obscenities towards me in defense. But I guess I deserved it. He ended up blocking me with much hesitation though I tried apologizing and he wouldn’t buy it. With needless to say, that was our end. But now I realize that he was the only one who actually cared and wanted to get to know me deep down. And I find myself missing him and our. I messed up. It’s an awful feeling. I gave up the apps as a whole but now it feels like I’m waiting for a connection that might never come. But I still have hope. #MentalHealth #checkin #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #Opinion #ADHD #Guilt #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #OCDTest #SuicidalThoughts #selfsabotage #lowselfesteem #SleepDisorders #Insomnia #moodswings #PMS #ChronicFatigue #Hope

The Guilt of Surviving Suicide