movingforward

Hello, been a while since I've personally been here, but I've learned a lot from my experience with covid and I'm currently always making sure I'm getting plenty of time to go outside, feel some gratitude, and really appreciate the strength in knowing that there's hope, and I've had to fight to realize this in myself, and I've recently created a vision board for myself, and I'm aiming to really look ahead as if my goals are at the end of the highway, and there's plenty of good views to enjoy along the way,

Well, today was the day. I am finally rid of you on paper, and I will no longer have your last name. You abused me in every way. You left me with so much trauma to deal with. So even though I am rid of you on paper, sadly not rid of you like I want to be. You destroyed the person I use to be, I allowed you to. Because I loved you. I loved you more than I loved myself.

It’s insane to me how you could spend 8+ years with someone.. know them inside and out, go through so much shit, and then all in one day, turn to nothing. But that’s just it, I’ve always been nothing to you. And I’ve known that, I just wanted you to love me. I just wanted to be enough for you. You always told me how I made you feel loved, I just wanted to feel that way.

But you had better things to focus on, which was you. You were taking care of you, I was taking care of you. Meanwhile no one was taking care of me. You made me hate who I was. You made me a nobody. You kept me from the people who loved me the most.

In 8 years you made/gave me an alcoholic, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and WORST of all ptsd. For the love of GOD I should have put you in jail when I had the chance, but I loved you. And I forgave you. For everything.. that’s one of the hardest things to do is forgive someone who isn’t sorry.

Now all I want is myself. I want my life back, I don’t want memories. But that’s all I’m stuck with. I will never be the person I was..

I will now be better, stronger.
I’m not sure how I’ll get through this. But I know I will. Because that’s all I know how to do is fight, and survive, except I’ll get to a point where I’ll be living NOT just surviving.

One day you will no longer be in my thoughts, memories. The trauma you caused me will no longer control me. You’ll just fade away.

Until then, I’ll keep fighting.

#RapeSurvivors #PTSD #Anxiety #startingover #Divorced #movingforward #Trying #Goodenough

I have good news! There was a job fair at my work the other day.

Their focus was on veterans. I wasn't in long enough to be considered a veteran because I drank myself out, but I do still qualify for job placement assistance.

I've really needed this. I've felt so stuck and hopeless lately.

I'm also very scared of change, even when I need it.

I'm going here on Monday to discuss job placement options that they have for me.

#movingforward #TheMighty

Have you ever just searched the internet and looked for something that can make you smile? I am finding it more difficult these days with all the painful actions taking place.

Like many of you, I am sad about the war in Ukraine. I am also sad about the natural disasters that have occured in the USA and the risk for more things occurring in the Central part of the country with it being tornado season. Life is scary!

I am looking for #Happiness and looking for #Comedy . Sometimes we have to seek things on purpose in order for us to experience #Joy .

Lately, I have had a flair up of my bipolar symptoms, and I have not been able to concentrate. However, positive distractions have #helped me to #feelbetter . #BipolarDisorder really sucks sometimes. But the coupling of BP with other issues like #Anxiety are even more struggling. But, I am going to do whatever I can to keep a smile and find #RoomForJoy .

I hope you enjoy the cat genie meme!

#Cats
#LaughOutLoudAid
#ASmileAsBigAsTheMoon
#movingforward
#Livingwithdepression
#livingwithbipolar
#Livingwithanxiety

Acceptance of one’s whole self is seemingly difficult these days. The criticism and scepticism that people face from others on a daily basis is scary, unbelievable and daunting. I think what makes these feelings of judgement and worthlessness worse are the thoughts that we believe them to be true. These self-doubts can become debilitating at times. When these feelings and beliefs arise, I have a look at the passage below. It speaks of acceptance of one’s self. Self acceptance is vital in these times we live in. We rely on it to heal from our past to ensure we understand how to better our actions/ reactions in the future. Be patient in this process and know you are trying your best every day to simply be better than the day before. Accept the good and bad parts of yourself. Never condoning, nor judging, the side that requires the most growth. That’s all you can do. You are worth your own love 🌻🌻🌻

#Acceptance #Selfblame #Selfcare #Selfworth #PersonalGrowth #selfgrowth #loveyourself #patience #Takeyourtime #Positivity #Forgiveness #Healing #loveyourself #growth #freeyourself #Selflove #journey #movingforward #itstime #LetsGo #MentalHealth #Recovery