clusterb

I have tingling in my hands, a headache and my heart is pounding again. I don't know what to do with myself. I keep finding myself sighing all day. I automatically look outwards and start overthinking about how everyone is judging me or I go back to a past memory and feel like a bad person or I worry about something that might happen because I'm a bad person. The loop is endless and keeps happening to me. I was listening to "the mind explained" on Netflix yesterday. The episode on anxiety mentioned a type of OCD thought pattern, which did sound similar to mine. I keep having obsessive thoughts and then I feel like a bad person. Like for instance now I sat down and took out my phone with my notes. I looked up and some people were passing and right then I needed to be admired. I keep needing validation from people around me. And when I find a fault in me, I expect people to see it and therefore see me as a fraud and judge me. I hate it that based on how people rate me is how I see myself and the funny thing is they aren't even rating me! I am, based on past criticism I heard or received. I guess another reason why I attach my attention on everyone around me is possibly because it feels less lonely. If I'm constantly thinking about what others think of me or what I think of them, I don't have time to be present with my loneliness and feelings of failure. And also the never ending loop of obsessing over the past and future. I think that comes from a need to feel in control and therefore safe.
Can anyone relate? Or is it just my head that's so cluttered 🙈😫 Any helpful therapy exercise I could do? I keep writing notes all day long but this never improves! I'm just more aware of this

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #Anxiety #selfconcious #SocialAnxiety #clusterb