flirting

I mean
I feel quite ashamed of having realized and of sharing this but tbh I just hope someone here will tell me I’m not the only one or even if I am the only one that it’s ok.

I know that some of our behaviours are like patterns of self sabotage.. like our mind is always trying to get us back to that place of hurt that is so awful but at the same time so confortable.. but .. do you think that flirting or actually getting involved (by talking only - and imagination) with someone else while at the same time being so so so happy on my loving relationship (that is monogamous)?

I really just talked via message with this other person that I know messes with my mind (and I’m hating myself for that yet can’t stop thinking about them)
But I notice it’s like a pattern
Am I just a bad person? Or could I be self sabotaging (I don’t know exactly why I would)?
why do I do this?? :(