So today I went to my gastroenterologist and found out I need further evaluation to rule out conditions before settling on ibs and treating that with antispasmodics they said I definitely am a zebra with the complexity of issues autoimmune cardiac mental health and so forth And though I said it in jest it's actually covering up insecurities and paranoia that I'm a fraud and my illnesses are not valid despite true symptoms and extensive meducstins and hospitalizations and procedure ice come to doubt myself because of doctors initially saying fibro and myalgic encephalitis don't exist as a teenager when I just wanted to feel better regardless of it's was mind or body driven but with the schizoaffective this has be become a deep seated paranoia that my doctors are out to expose me as delusional for there own laughs reality testing tells me this isn't true but feelings hard to shake the tests are producing a lot of anxiety like are they giving me placebo is this all a test I know it's just my diseased mind conjuring up these thoughts but his do you other "mighty warriors" cope and quell the obsessive tape of uncertainty playing in your head #schizoaffective #POTS #ChronicFatigueSyndromeampME #granulomaanulare #Zebra just want be back on the Oregon coast so ill try to meditate on that to get to sleeo