oneyear

Tomorrow marks one year since I was spiked in a night club by a friend of a friend. During the time I was drugged, my attacker isolated me and attempted to sexually assault me. Luckily, I was a regular at the nightclub and knew one of the security staff really well. He seen me acting out of sorts and being pinned to a wall. He saved me that night. If it wasn’t for him I don’t know what would have happened to me. He got me back to my friends who took me home. By this point the panic had set in, I didn’t know what was happening to me but I knew everything felt wrong. The lights were moving, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t walk. I’ve experimented with drugs in the past, which I’m not proud of, however in this situation I knew that what I was feeling was so much more than a being drunk or hitting a bad one. My body wasn’t mine, it was as if I was carrying someone else around me. Once I started being sick, everyone around me knew I wasn’t just drunk. For 72 hours I was out of it. Throwing up every 10-15 minutes. Seeing doctors, being interviewed by police. Although I knew my attacker, nothing could be done because of the drug he used. It had left my system by the time I had blood taken, leaving similar side effects to food poisoning. The doctors and nurses knew it wasnt food related but there was no way to prove it.

I no longer feel safe being out having fun with friends. It’s always in the back of my mind that no one can be trusted. The world is a horrible horrible place, however I got out of this one relatively well off. It could have been worse, j could have had no one looking out for me but thankfully I did.

#Daterape #SexualAssault #Trauma #oneyear

I remember the way your eyes glistened as you stared at me wagging your tail.
You always cared for me when i never cared about myself.
You loved me through my anger
You loved me through my depression.
You kissed my cuts to heal me.
You loved me more than i ever loved myself.
A year without you has gone by
My heart wrenches in pain
My eyes flow like rivers that are flooded.
My brain has shut down since you departed my side.

Putting you down;
Seeing you leave me.
Seeing you take your last breath.
My heart is mangled and destroyed.

1 year has gone by
I'm changed.
I've lost more than i could fathom.
I lost you.
I lost my little rodents.
I lost friendships.
I lost my will to survive.

I may have lost a lot,
But I've gained a lot.
I've lost you but gained another dog i got to save.
I lost friendships but i learned about their true selfs.
I've gained respect for myself for fighting this 12 year war with myself and surviving this far.

A year has gone by;
And you will never be forgotten.

#MightyPoets #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #oneyear #doglover