Relationships

I'm suffering from severe complicated grief after the loss of my best friend and life partner after a profoundly beautiful 7 year relationship, and now I'm in tremendous legal trouble because of it. She didn't die, she went through menopause and changed into someone cold and distant, someone who forgot all about the gravity of our connection, someone who didn't love me anymore and no longer cared about my well being.

I didn't know how to accept the loss of the relationship. My heart and mind went into denial. I could not imagine a life without her. She tired of hearing my feelings and eventually told me to stop contacting her. I couldn't do it. To me, that felt like being told to stop breathing. She had me arrested and charged with aggravated harassment and stalking because I persisted in trying to reconcile after she told me to stop. It was the most heartbreaking, emotionally painful experience I've ever endured. The level of agony and torment is too overwhelming to describe. It seemed so wrong to me. I meant no harm. I felt that I could not make peace with myself without finding peace with her.

An order of protection was issued along with these charges, which is automatic. Still, I didn't listen. I kept trying to get through to her. Some irrational part of my mind believed she would be receptive to my heartfelt pleas for peace, even after she had shown me otherwise. She turned my writings and attempts to reach her over to the police, knowing fully well the damage it would do to me life and the lives of my children. I'm still not fully able to process how she could do this to me after all that we shared. I never layed a finger on her, never threatened her, never verbally abused her. No domestic violence, no such history like that, she just simply...changed. Even if she chose to ghost and ignore me, which was crushing as it is, she did not have to do this. I was and am no threat to her. I wouldn't hurt her in a million years.

I don't know what's wrong with me. How I could believe that she would not once again betray my trust after she already showed me she would. How I could take such a risk by ignoring the court order. I was so overcome with grief that I did not clearly see the reality of the situation. And now, as a result, the police are demanding that I turn myself in to be charged with criminal contempt of court, a very serious charge in New York State. I'll likely be thrown in jail. All will be lost. I will lose my freedom, and thus my job, my home, my children. I am living in a constant state of heightened fear and terror of what's soon to happen.

I am a good man. I am honest, sincere and peaceful with a gentle, loving heart. I don't deserve this. For my life to be destroyed. I was confused. Heartbroken and suffering from extreme emotional anguish that led me to make very foolish and blind choices. I don't know what do. I'm so scared. I don't see any way out of this. I have considered taking my own life many times. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this, with my soul and spirit crushed, in 24/7 psychological and emotional pain and anguish. Criminalized and labeled as a domestic abuser for writing kind, heartfelt letters begging my ex to remember who I am, who she was before all this, what we meant to each other, how important our friendship is, to understand that it does not have to be this way.

My life is over. Please help me.

#CheckInWithMe I'm suffering from severe complicated grief after the loss of my best friend and life partner after a profoundly beautiful 7 year relationship, and now I'm in tremendous legal trouble because of it. She didn't die, she went through menopause and changed into someone cold and distant, someone who forgot all about the gravity of our connection, someone who didn't love me anymore and no longer cared about my well being.

I didn't know how to accept the loss of the relationship. My heart and mind went into denial. I could not imagine a life without her. She tired of hearing my feelings and eventually told me to stop contacting her. I couldn't do it. To me, that felt like being told to stop breathing. She had me arrested and charged with aggravated harassment and stalking because I persisted in trying to reconcile after she told me to stop. It was the most heartbreaking, emotionally painful experience I've ever endured. The level of agony and torment is too overwhelming to describe. It seemed so wrong to me. I meant no harm. I felt that I could not make peace with myself without finding peace with her.

An order of protection was issued along with these charges, which is automatic. Still, I didn't listen. I kept trying to get through to her. Some irrational part of my mind believed she would be receptive to my heartfelt pleas for peace, even after she had shown me otherwise. She turned my writings and attempts to reach her over to the police, knowing fully well the damage it would do to me life and the lives of my children. I'm still not fully able to process how she could do this to me after all that we shared. I never layed a finger on her, never threatened her, never verbally abused her. No domestic violence, no such history like that, she just simply...changed. Even if she chose to ghost and ignore me, which was crushing as it is, she did not have to do this. I was and am no threat to her. I wouldn't hurt her in a million years.

I don't know what's wrong with me. How I could believe that she would not once again betray my trust after she already showed me she would. How I could take such a risk by ignoring the court order. I was so overcome with grief that I did not clearly see the reality of the situation. And now, as a result, the police are demanding that I turn myself in to be charged with criminal contempt of court, a very serious charge in New York State. I'll likely be thrown in jail. All will be lost. I will lose my freedom, and thus my job, my home, my children. I am living in a constant state of heightened fear and terror of what's soon to happen.

I am a good man. I am honest, sincere and peaceful with a gentle, loving heart. I don't deserve this. For my life to be destroyed. I was confused. Heartbroken and suffering from extreme emotional anguish that led me to make very foolish and blind choices. I don't know what do. I'm so scared. I don't see any way out of this. I have considered taking my own life many times. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this, with my soul and spirit crushed, in 24/7 psychological and emotional pain and anguish. Criminalized and labeled as a domestic abuser for writing kind, heartfelt letters begging my ex to remember who I am, who she was before all this, what we meant to each other, how important our friendship is, to understand that it does not have to be this way.

My life is over. Please help me.

I can seem to form relationships but not keep them. I haven't found a successful way of being able to communicate my needs in a way that is understood.

Between my CPTSD and recently diagnosed ADHD, in order to feel safe and secure in a relationship and muffle my fear of abandonment I thrive on routine and stability. Living through horrific abuse, a warped sense of what healthy love looks like I'm lost.

Never having a stable home, family or support system makes this so much harder to convey these small things. I always made to feel like too much, or never enough.

#Relationships #PTSD #ab #Anxiety #Trauma

So I've been constipated again. I hadn't had a BM since last Saturday. I drank one dose of miralax last night and 2 more today. I finally had a small BM about a half hour ago and my tummy feels better. I feel like I blinked and a week went by. I gotta try to get better at drinking miralax every night. I keep forgetting.

My doctor asked how the constipation was going and I explained how miralax is expensive but my insurance covers PEG. So he wrote a script and this week I got 2 big bottles. So I have enough for at least a month. But that's if I just take one dose per day. My doctor wants me to take 2.

Yesterday was a dumpster fire day. But today is going good so far. It's going by very slow though. My girlfriend is going camping with her husband and boyfriend tonight. The boyfriend has been freaking out thinking I'm gonna pursue a sexual relationship with her. Yesterday I explained that I am a homosexual/panromantic gay man with sexual aversion disorder with sexual repulsion. I think I finally got through to him. Time will tell.

#CheckInWithMe

I know it’s challenging dealing with our inner critic, so I wrote an article on coping mechanisms and exercises guide for understanding and managing your inner critic if anyone is interested in reading it.

It is about how self-compassion and self-reflection and a few exercises empower us to transform and better recognize self-criticism and reframe it into constructive feedback to build a healthier relationship with ourselves.

A Guide to Quieting and Acknowledging Your Inner Critic
#selfcompassion #personalgrowth #MentalHealthAwareness #selfimprovement #mindfulness #ADHD #Anxiety #coping #mentalhealthmatters
#ADHD #Addiction #Depression

I keep thinking my gut is saying I'm in the wrong relationship but I'm ignoring it because I don't trust myself. Sometimes i worry my instincts are right and if I ignore them repeatedly they will stop trying to guide me.#Relationships

#MentalHealth

so just for clarification, im 16, almost 17, and a sophmore in highschool currently. ive only lived with my dad for a good portion of my life, since i was around 2-3 so im very close to him and love spending time with him and sorts. my dad kicked my mom out when i was very young and i have never seen her since. we have been in contact since a few years ago but nothing, as of seeing eachother, has happened yet. my mom did alot of bad things to me and my dad but i still find it in my heart to take her back and love her as my biological mom. now, around 7 months ago, my dad met a new woman. he has had previous relationships and for some reason, ive always been mad about it. like i hate that i still am trying to love my real mom while trying to form "mom-like" relationships with these other women. its already hard enough to build my relationship back up with my bio mom. so this new woman, she seems good for my dad. and i hate that i dislike her because i really dont. i dislike the idea that shes taking away my dad slowly, but thats not her fault. but for some reason all my anger is directed at her. she does all the things that my dad used to do with me with him now and we never really hang out anymore because shes always here with him and, kinda, clingy. she doesnt do anything really either. when i get home from school, shes usually back in his room and she just sits in bed all day, dresses up for when he gets home, and doesnt even have a job. it makes me mad because we are already struggling with money just to get by and on top of that, we now have another person in the house who doesnt sustain whatsoever. i feel horrible that i resent her, though i know its all me and she is good to my dad and loves him dearly. and i like her aswell, just some things made me upset. i dont really know how to deal with the anger about this.

if anyone read this all the way thru, thank you (: it was mostly just a way to get out my emotions but if anyone has any advice, id love that! thank you again