Finally compiling a master list of traits
I'm finally mustering up the courage to create a master list of all the reasons I suspect I might be autistic. Doing so has given me the bravery to even write that sentence even on a platform where I'm an anonymous stranger.
Maybe if I'd started this earlier, I would've saved myself a year or more of obsessing, but maybe that time was necessary to finally prepare myself to do this. I've got a therapy break for the summer while I'm living out of the country, but I'm hoping that by the end of the summer my list will be in a state that I feel alright with giving to my therapist. The fear that I'll be told that everything is just my OCD is strong and horrible, but the more I hear others' stories and reflect on my own life, the more certain I am that I'm at least in the ballpark of correct.
So far I only have an explanation of how I got to this point as well as a list of sensory issues and stims, and I think that documenting the other things like social experiences, childhood habits and such (the stuff I'm less rock solid certain about) will be emotionally exhausting. But I'll keep working on this bit by bit, and it's in Google Docs so I can add to it any time another piece of evidence occurs to me even if that's in the middle of my work day or while I'm at the grocery store.
I hope this winds up being a good thing. If anyone wants to share their story with me in a comment, especially other adult diagnosed women, I think that might raise my confidence :)