Getting closer to feeling myself again
Good morning all! It's Monday morning around 6am here in NY. I slept better than I expected so that's a big plus! I still feel numb over the divorce papers that my narcissist husband served me with last Tuesday. I realized I need to journal about it as I seem to be staying stuck in that feeling of uncertainty. I have already allowed myself to mourn the loss of my husband but I haven't really allowed myself to grieve over my future. I am down right scared about the future. I have a hundred questions and thoughts running through my mind as I'm an overthinker. I think I am still in awe that over the entire relationship. I played my part. I am an addict in recovery. I'm going on 2 years July 2nd 2024. So my addiction played a role in this. However, I still can't get over the fact that I allowed him to mess with my mental state with his lies and cheating ways. It really took a toll on me for awhile.
I'm currently on disability at the moment for my bipolar but I am thinking of getting a full time job. I don't think I can make it alone with just disability and a part time job. The bills are coming in and I still haven't made a budget. It's like everything is so surreal.
Here's to today as we only have the present moments. It's up to me to decide if I want to sit in my shit or get up and start my day. I choose to get up and enjoy the day! For once I have a choice in my life and it feels amazing 😍 #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #monday #Smiling