wearywarrior

I had surgery on my hand on 6/11. They removed a bone because my arthritis had gotten so bad, it was bone on bone.  It is now 8/13.  First, I didn't realize how awful the post operative pain would be, my daughter had to take me to get more pain meds.  Of course, the doctors HATE giving anyone pain meds so that was a fight.  I got very ill afterwards, couldn't figure out what it was, nausea, diarrhea, no food.  Turned out to be a UTI.  It lasted for 30 days because doctors hesitant to give me antibiotics.  
A week later, routine bloodwork and urine for Rheumatologist. Awful and obvious UTI, Rheumatologist doesn't want to give me antibiotics without a second urine. Unfortunately I was in a car on the road to Texas and couldn't do it. Ended up in a walk-in clinic in Texas and they PROMPTLY gave me antibiotics.
I am now in a full blown fibro flare. I've never had one this bad before. I cried to sleep last night because everything hurts. #DistractMe
When I tell my OT that my hand hurts, she says "it shouldn't hurt". I don't see how that is helpful communication. I don't care if it shouldn't hurt it hurts!
I was able to get trigger point injections for my head yesterday and the doctor said, this will help with headaches. NO, I woke up with headache today. I can't seem to get a handle on my pain.
Doctors are NOT helpful. I have seen 5 doctors in the last two months, all of them could help me with pain relief with a narcotic, each and everyone of them should help me. But they do not help me. They are in business, not in patient care.
I am so so tired. #Fibromyalgia  Raining outside, waterfall of tears.

The Weary Warrior

Have you ever cried so much for so long that you ran out of tears? Did you even know that is possible? I sure do. Many others know this as well. When emotional and/or physical pain relentlessly overpower you day after day, you are left feeling helpless fighting against the undertow.

It's in those times you desperately want to scream out for help. You want to yell as loud as you can, “SOMEONE SAVE ME PLEASE!”. But every time you try the water rushes into your mouth and you can't speak. Once again, the panic sets in and it feels like you're drowning without any way to signal your desperate need for rescue.

So you just sit there staring blankly ahead into the world but not really focused on anything. Disconnected. And think to yourself, “I just want this to stop. I'm tired. I'm weary. I don't want to do this anymore. This hurts too much. Just breathe. This will pass.” along with a million other little thoughts like that.

It's almost impossible to feel true freedom when you're a prisoner of your own body and mind. An unwilling participant, at best, in a twisted game resembling something so diabolical only Stephen King could have designed. What a cruel twist of fate, to live in a country that is promoted as “the land of the free” while you're sitting there saying, “Yeah well, It's hard to feel free when your body is your prison cell”.

Some days, we will slay giants and dragons returning home victorious from battle; some days our victory is simply making it through the day. On those days;
"Rest easy,
my fellow Warriors.
You will fight again tomorrow
and the day after that
for the battle is not over
and there are more giants
and dragons
for us to slay." #wearywarrior #ChronicPain #LymeDisease #ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #iamworthy #stillawarrioronharddays #mightypoetry #Depression #Anxiety #Bipolar #ChronicFatigue #cancersurvivor