trustissue

× " For The Past Year I Have Felt Soo Alone... And Lost Sometime's I Feel Like The Event's Of My Life Were Never Supposed To Happen... But They Did Starting With My # Molestation At 14 Then #raped At 16... I Left Family At 18 And Got Married At 19 I Had A Baby And Lost Him.. To " Sudden Infant Death Syndrome " And Then The Losse's Of My Mother And Brother And Lastly The End Of My 17 Year's Of Marriage... I Truly Tryed My Best To Be The Best Wife To My Ex-Husband... But I Was Never Enough... And Not Up To The Standards Of His Sibling's... I Loved My Father In Law... My Mother In Law And I Budded Head's Constantly... Over My Ex... Now That I Didn't Understand I Have Alway's Felt Like A Was 3 In Our Realtionship... But Again I Don't Understand Men At All Anymore... My Marriage Felt Like A Chore.. TBH And Now I'm Deadset On Never Getting Re-Married Ever Again... I Tryed To Set Boundries And My Ex Didn't Listen To Me So I Needed To Walk Away... Thing's Were Never Going To Change With Him... His Priority Were His Mother...Brother And Women Co-worker's.. Which Is Messed Up... But I'm Glad I Walked Away From The Constant Being Ignored Like I Didn't Exist.. Now I Can't Even View Men In A Diffrent Way... Because I Feel Like I'm Going To Get Hurt Again... Used For My $ And My Kindness... " I'm Not Bashing Any Men Ok... These Are Just Feeling's And Thought's.. Not All Men Are Jerk's.. Yes I Get Hit On At Work And It Get's Boring Quickly Especially If It Older Men... Idk Why I Attract Those Type's.. And It Litterly Make's Me Want To Be Single For The Rest Of My Life.. Is There Something Worng With Me... Idk " × # Thought's#trustissue 's ☆S.K.☆

When the most smiple relationship turned into toxic and without being patience,you start to panic..that panic leads to mistrust and ending the relationship..
But what are the smiplest way, that person can strat rebuild that relationship in a reformed way??

Hi. I am Fynn. I am new here and I am young. I am a teenager to be honest but I needed a place where I can write my feelings down and share them. I know it's kinda dumb to trust strangers but it's not like I had a choice. And I had good experiences in other forums.

I said I said I am fine but what wonder I am not. My therapist and my doctor don't listen to me and are just picking on me. My friends, who I go to when I have a bad episode again, are just ignoring me and the ones who are there are living to far from here.

I did something I shouldn't have done but I can't change it. I gave up. I gave up to show my feelings, I gave up to care about my pain. I gave up to show how it hurts me. I just gave it all up. I'm pushing my feelings down, my pain, my anxiety, my panic, everything. It's exhausting but I have to do this. Otherwise I would get broken. I can''t. I have neither the energy to hide my feelings nor to show them, so I just will hide them and push them down till I find someone...

the fact is, that I don't care anymore. I don't care how much the people around me try to hurt me, I don't care that they ignore me, I don't care that I black out often, I don't care about plans I made, I don't care when my friends cancel plans we made...

Of course I care. But I can't feel it. I push it down to prevent to get broken. To prevent that I am the one who is in pain...

I know, my friends have problems too. Some of them. But that's no reason to ignore someone without any warning. I just need someone I can trust and who listens to me... And I know it's selfish, I know it's egoistic but I need someone who cares about me. I force me to be in control of myself. Everytime Everywhere. But i wanna let go. I wanna give the control to my care giver... But he doesn't live here...