Chronic Fatigue

October of 2016 was the beginning of a new normal for me, far before COVID-19 had started. It was a time of grief, sorrow, and bargaining. It was when I had obtained my mystery minor chronic illness. Mystery because I’ve had my tests done, and they all came out 100% fine. Minor because I am still able to carry out my day-to-day activities. And chronic because from one point forward, I had to deal with loss of energy and concentration for everyday of my life.

Countless times have I been told that nothing was wrong with me, and all of these are mere signs of anxiety. However, my change in physical appearance and internal sensation tells me otherwise. Drastically, I had become paler, weaker, and more tiresome. It was clear to me that something had changed. What it was - I was not certain for sure.

Dealing with mysteries can be unsettling because there is no definite answer. Not even science - the discipline which purports to know a lot of things - could tell me what I was facing. This had forced me to fight and cope using my own means. And for eight years, I have built a set of coping tips that I would like to share about today.

1. Gratitude

I keep a gratitude journal where I list things I am grateful for each day. This helps me focus on the positives despite the sea of negative feelings. In it, I list down all my blessings, however minor. It helps me realize I have a lot to be thankful for.

2. Exercise

With chronic fatigue, it may seem counterintuitive to exercise, but exercise helps release endorphins and maintains good chemical balance in the brain. Even simple walking can help lighten one’s mood, so I highly recommend this.

3. Friendships

Keeping close friends helps distract me from wallowing, as I shift my focus on others instead of just myself all the time. They also help me lower my feelings of anxiety whenever I rant to them. Just be careful not to rant too much because that will just bring the mood down.

4. Reframing

Self-blame is common with chronic illness, but we must realize that some things are beyond our control. Reframing thoughts can help shift our focus on things we can still do rather than things we cannot do.

5. Rest

After a day or some hours or some minutes of hard work, it can be rewarding to get some rest. Rest is the universal reset, which not only resets my energy levels, but also resets my mood.

6. Hobbies

Having hobbies are a great form of satisfaction because you can achieve small things during your free time, whether it is a new stuff toy you sewed or a new song you learned to play.

7. Moving Forward

My motto is “Keep moving forward.” This means that we mustn’t keep feelings of regret or other negativity from past experiences. Moving forward means that we forget about small things, and focus on things that build us and make us better people.

With all these tips, dealing with chronic illness has become easier and more manageable for me. It is never easy, but baby steps such as those listed above help me get through my day, week, month and year. I hope that even as cliche as all my tips sound, it can help reinforce the idea that these tips do work. I assure you that as long as you keep following these tips, and your own coping strategies, you are on track to be a much better self. A lot of times it is hard, but the silver lining is that we emerge stronger, braver, and more empathetic in the end.

It’s been around 3 weeks in which my powerchair arrived.
I’ve wanted to share some benifits I’ve seen in myself plus some not so great things that have come along with it:

Pros:

1. I have less pain overall.
Especially in my touchy spots that have regular pain.

2. My brain came back! After being lost in Fibro Fog for many years…it finally made its way back to shore. I’ve realised that exercise (for me personally) greatly made migraines and brain fog worse.
Now, that it doesn’t take a huge amount of physical effort and pain to do normal tasks…my brain came back to think things with me. I thought I lost him forever!

3. I am capable of living life!
For the last year especially I did very little apart from lay in bed. I was depressed and never felt that I could have any independence for myself because I never had the strength to do the things I personally wanted to do.
My mind was willing, but I never had the strength or stamina to execute my plans.

4. I’m planning future independence because now I know I can…

Cons:

1. Feeling not disabled enough for a powerchair.
I’m stuck in this grey area where I feel too disabled to be normal but not disabled enough to be considered disabled.

2. Imposter Syndrome!
I keep thinking that I’m just not trying hard enough. That I’m lying about my fatigue etc…even though it’s been diagnosed twice!
I keep thinking I could do all the new things I’ve been doing if I only tried hard enough, which I know is untrue.

3. Feeling like I have to justify using a powerchair and I relay my entire life story to strangers so they won’t think I’m being an idiot or lazy!

4. And finally mourning who I used to be. Don’t get me wrong I’m thankful for my elevated independence but I do mourn who I used to be. Before everything, the Fibromyalgia the Anorexia etc…
I live in the same area in which I spent the later part of my teen years…and everywhere I look there is a memory of who I once was. I’ve never allowed myself to mourn, or even process how I truly felt about nearly dying from Anorexia in 2012.
I just carried on…some feelings I have are too deep for words and only God and I can truly experience them.

Anyways that’s all for now!
I hope you all have a Happy Sabbath tomorrow to any fellow Adventists…and a lovely weekend to all the Mighties! 🥰❤️💕🦄🌠 God Bless

Today is the first day of summer in Iceland, that is according to the old calender. In the old days people only thought of two seasons, winter and summer. Today begins the month of Harpa according to old times. We Icelanders find this old custum quite ironic because very often the weather on this day is Rain, snow, much wind or all three in a mix. 😒😒😒 In modern times we think of the year in four seasons and the names of the months are the same as in other countries ( janúar/january, febrúar/February etc.). 🤔🙂💐🍰🫖

So, I decided a little bit ago that I would change universities and try to finish my psychology degree. Well, now that things grow closer and dates are due for important things, I find myself stressing out and causing some mild flares. On top of trying to go back to school, the debt from loans and books is weighing on me a little mentally. I’m also trying to plan me and my fiancés wedding; admittedly thats more fun than stress, but it’s still on my mind. I feel like my head is so full I can’t think. Any advice on how to break up some of the stress and help the brain fog from the mild and more mental flares? Any small activities I could do seated to try and de-stress?

I have lived a number of years with multiple chronic/incurable conditions. This week I finished my assessment with my new therapist and in-addition to validating all the existing mental health diagnoses I knew already, she gave me a tentative new one of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Now, other than having seen "Girl Interrupted" I didn't know much about what BPD actually is. The more I've learned though, the more moments from my past have started to make sense. A lot of "ah-ha" moments for me this week.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder  #Anxiety #Depression  #PTSD  #MentalHealth  #Fibromyalgia  #ChronicFatigueSyndrome  #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis  #ChronicFatigue  #ChronicPain #BreastCancer  #ThyroidCancer #PanicAttacks  #PanicAttack #ChronicIllness

When getting treatment for metal health issues, we're often told that forcing ourselves to do things like socializing and activities (especially when the only thing you really want to do is lie in bed) is a way to combat depression. In DBT I've heard it referred to as "opposite action" or "behavioral activation".

However, I'm starting to think there must be a physical aspect to my exhaustion as well. Even when I have fun things planned with people I enjoy being around, my head feels heavy, my eyes want to close, I'd rather be sleeping. Everyday I wake up and immediately look forward to going back to sleep. Words cannot convey how incredibly frustrating this is. I am 27 and have the energy levels of an 82 year old. Not to mention, it affects my performance at work, my relationships, every aspect of my life is impacted by this constant sleepiness. I've gotten my vitamin levels and thyroid checked and all came back normal. So what's wrong with me??#Depression #ChronicFatigue #MDD #MentalHealth