Aging

#Depression #Anxiety #Aging #Stress #Job
#HowYaDoing

I'm funked up. Too long to explain. Need to go back to work; cry break is over.

How yall doing?

Trying to sleep Friday night on the couch so I can cry. worried my body is failing and so is my cancer treatment. Muscles and joints are stiff. Feel like ive aged10 years in last 6 months. Tired, mentally and physically. If I keep going until AprilI am told I can retire with full medicl benefits. Supposedly. I do not trust HR or my retirement management group. I fear my job, medical plan,and health, all ending within the first 6 months of 2024

I am going to try and sleep.
Reading Howl's Moving Castle.
Identifying with the heroine Sophie, who was enchanted https://to.turn into an old woman.

Gnight

Watching our usual holiday movies gets harder each year since I was diagnosed with cancer. I realize most of our favorites involve someone dying of old age or illness or because of poverty. I'm now 64, 3 1/2 years into my diagnosis, and wanting to retire in the summer of 2024 because I can finally get retirement medical benefits. (We'll lose a lot of income, but this job is making my health worse--and I want days to devote to me, not this job that has stressed me for the last 10 years.)

Anyway,
My husband and I have collected DVDs of our favorite Christmas themed movies and over the weekends following Hallowen watch moviesand miniseries. The last 3 years, less so because I had weekend work orwas physically or emotionally tired.
And a lot of these movies have people dying. Or we look up favorite actorsand find out that they died. Often from old age or cancer--or both.
Just tired tonight. I've got one more week of work before Christmas break, with PET scan
on Thursday. (And a week's worth of worry over the holidays befor my oncology appointment on Jan 2.

My back is tired and I'm dehydrated. I'm going to listen to some BBC comedies until I can sleep.