Grace

Yes! It’s so important not to remain bitter in certain situations, even though the person might be that way towards you. You deserve to be happy not miserable..#LearnToLetGo #Grace not #Grudges #Family #Depression #PTSD #freedom #MentalHealth

For me, it’s always about feeling helpless. Sometimes it’s about feeling trapped too. But on my worst days, it’s like BINGO and I’ve got the whole row. The best I can do is give myself grace in those moments. I hope you will give yourself a little bit too.
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#CPTSD #PTSD #AnxietyAttack #Anxiety #triggered #feelings #Grace #findinghope #MyCondition #bingo #Bekindtoyourself #ItsOK #helpless #Trapped #fearful #giveyourselfgrace #progress #Trauma #AnxietyTriggers #triggers

When your past catches up to you in the best of ways!

I am so thankful for this day, just today. I will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. How do you respond today?

Question;

'Hey Bearded I heard a story from u when u used 2 use hard drugs what was the pivotal moment that made u want to change and take action. '

Response:

“I am not sure. I became frustrated that I was not good at dying so had to become better at living. Maybe my so, maybe God, maybe, I can be cowardly deep down and it's harder facing life than death. I hated the endless cycle of screwing up, the resulting depression/suicide thoughts and attempts, I hate the idea that I was in a hamster wheel, and had to get out, not knowing what that would entail, I did it anyway. It is still very, very hard, but have been a lot happier recently. How you been? Anything I can do to help?”

I am so far further from perfect than I am from my 'past' yet I am proud of myself today. Celebrate the small victories, and give back.

We are carried through these storms without purpose, we are destined to use our stories, even our raw ones, as long as they are truthful, they can be used for good, for impact, maybe even to save another persons life.

There is something to be said, lots actually, about receiving a lesson when giving to others.

Enjoy your day, don't miss the opportunities.

Paul, a servant of #Jesus #christ , called to be an apostle, separated unto the gospel of God, 2(Which he had promised afore by his prophets in the holy scriptures,) 3 Concerning his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, which was made of the seed of David according to the flesh;4 And declared to be the Son of God with power, according to the spirit of holiness, by the resurrection from the dead: 5 By whom we have received #Grace and #apostleship , for obedience to the #Faith among all nations for his name: 6
Among whom are ye also the called of Jesus Christ 7 To all that be in Rome, beloved of God, called to be saints: Grace to you and #peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
8 First, I #Thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, that your faith is spoken of throughout the whole world.
9 For God is my witness, whom I #serve with my spirit in the #gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my #prayers ;
10 Making request, if by any means now at length I might have a prosperous journey by the will of God to come unto you.
11 For I #long to see you, thatI may impart unto you some spiritual gift, to the end ye may be established;
12 That is, that I may be #comforted together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me.
13 Now I would not have you ignorant, brethren, that oftentimes I purposed to come to you, (but was let hitherto,) that I might have some fruit among you also, even as among other Gentiles.
14 I am a debtor both to the Greeks, and to the Barbarians; both to the wise, and to the unwise.
15 So, as much as is in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also.
16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.
17 For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written the just shall live by faith.
18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the #Truth in unrighteousness;
19 Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.
20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were they thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

Sure, my journey with anxiety has taken me from a person who had no problem speaking in public to someone today who struggles to even go live on camera. I know I am called to share my story, but as I was saying to my psychologist yesterday I have anxiety about healing anxiety in a way. I have anxiety about the steps needed in my mental health journey. Some of that is rooted in trauma, or traumatic experiences, like having a bad visit with the Doc or not doing what I need to do and having fear of getting in trouble from the doc.

Recently I had a pretty major breakthrough. The vision I have for it is water grinding away through the middle of a mountain and finally breaking through the other side into a small life giving spring.

My anxiety is still pretty high, none of my chronic illnesses are any better, I am actually in more pain, but my mind has shifted. I am seeing the fruit of the work, the trials and tribulations over the last couple years as I have painfully dug into my depression and mental health in general. I just never want to be in that dark place again. While I still get depressed I have not been in a major depression and Praise God, have not been suicidal in a long time. The reminders are still there but I don't reamin in the reminders any more, I choose life.

I am not here to say what you should do or don't do, what program or belief to follow, we are all different. I have read and studied so much, I stand by a teaching I received many moons ago 'to take what works for you and leave the rest'. I still tend to learn other stuff and still finish the books and studies, then file the info away, for suture reference if needed, and some is needed off and on, like tools in our toolbox or utensil drawer, each has a purpose. I can say what tools I use and what works for me and if some of that works for you, Awesome, I am thankful it helped.

This year I committed with intention to 'flatten the curve' with my mental health so I am going to, with intentional resolve, see my Doctors regularly and face my anxieties and struggles head on, see what comes out the other side of 2022.

It will take determination for sure, especially on appointment or church days to get out of the house.

#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Crohns #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Fibromyalgia #Arthritis #spinalissues #beardformentalhealth #BeardedIntention #peoplehelpinpeople #wellness #Hope #Grace #Forgiveness #thankyoujesus

I AM grateful for today. The Ease and Grace that I was hoping for yet not expecting was very welcomed. I was able to be out of bed, did some housework and chilled watching a movie and a basketball game online with the kids. I am grateful that my children aren’t too worried about gifts and things. It’s different now that they are teens. Thankfully cash is in, and it doesn’t require wrapping 😎🤣☃️🎄❄️🤣. Hope you got some merry love today ~ and if not…I’m send some your way🎄❤️❤️❤️ # fibro #MightyMoms #2021 #Love #EASE #Grace #Christmas #ChronicIlless #braveface

[originally written October 14, 2021]

The days feel heavy when your family heads to bed and you realize that, despite being awake the past 15 hours in rooms with generous windows, you can't quite recall if the sun was shining today.

It's hard to live in a world of beauty and color and light, but to stare through window panes and have no motivation to explore it.

If your soul sits weary after so many days of fighting to clear the foggy glasses of depression, putting on a secondhand smile 3 sizes too big for you, dragging a parade of invisible wrecking balls behind you... if you want to cry after staggering up mountainsides with that unseen weight, only to be shamed for your heart beating too fast, too loud, when you reach the top... I hear you. I'm with you.

I know the sunshine is out there. But today was hard.

You should have turned 29 years old, Benji.

And not too many years ago, we celebrated your birthday at your Baltimore apartment. You were overjoyed to see a mix of high school, college, and post-grad friends together. We wandered the aisles of food stores in search of ShastaCola just like the days of shopping for wind ensemble snacks. Turns out that's a PriceChopper brand. Womp. (I did tell ya so, just saying)...You were ecstatic that I "knew the recipe" for 7-layer dip but took great joy in reminding me it was actually only 6 layers (literally all evening). I made waaay too much, so you had it for breakfast the next day even though we didn't put it in the fridge overnight. Gross. I haven't made that dip since, but lord knows I'd drive hours to make & eat lukewarm bean-salsa-whatever mixture for a week straight if it would've convinced you to stay.

I wish you made it to today, Benn. You should be here, on this earth, celebrating yourself. But I know all too well that's not how the treacherous mind-mangle of silent illness works. I know you couldn't see the daylight through your windows either, and I can't resent your absence for that very reason. I know this world was hard to navigate. HOLY HECK, it still is. I wish it wasn't. I wish things were different in many ways.

But knowing I have no way (nor right) to edit the pages of your story, I simply hope you were able to see the sunshine for me today. I bet heaven gives you a pretty damn good view of it all, huh?

I'm fighting harder than ever. For a non-sporty gal, I've been pretty strong. I have to believe the extra muscle is courtesy of Dr. Ayd, writing prescriptions of sorts from above so I can keep pushing onward, sharing truths, showing up, and advocating on behalf of BOTH of us (and anyone else struggling). Chug a keystone for me up there. And rewatch the episodes of Cruiser Confessionals... I did yesterday and they're as priceless as ever.

Shine on, birthday boy. You're remembered with love & in gratitude 💛 #Grief #Gratitude #Grace