INeedAHug

I’m so angry. I have valid reasons.. my step mom of 25 years was just murdered in our home. I had a miscarriage two months ago that resulted in me finding out my partner was cheating, and my sister.. my best friend moves next week.

And I’m just fucking angry.

I want to just smash shit honestly.

But you’d never know. I wake up and make my 3 pre teens breakfast, with a genuine smile on my face. Play sports and take them to practice and do all the things I’m supposed to do. I’m starting to cave though, I found myself crying in the laundry room this morning so no one saw.

But inside I’m on fire. And I just want someone to understand. #angry #Trauma #INeedAHug #ortosmashshit

Everytime I close my eyes, all I can see are wells. Deep, dark wells. I can't imagine the future or visualize the past anymore. And when I can, it takes me back to happier days that seem to have happened in another lifetime, and then I feel like I'm never going to be happy again. I feel stuck and in pain, and I just want this pain to end. I feel like I don't matter, like my life makes no sense and I'm not needed. Like if I wasn't here, the world would be exactly the same, because no one depends on me for anything. When we lived abroad, I had a nice job that I loved and I was respected. I was finding my place in society and was even making plans to run my own business. And then we decided to move back home to be closer to family, but it's a much smaller town, we live a bit far, there's barely any buses and I can't drive, because I have this paralizing fear of driving, and this is like a rock weighing me down while I try to stay afloat. Not being able to drive is like a cancer eating away my insides and stopping me from doing things I should be doing. And then there's COVID-19, this thing that came out of nowhere and ruined so many people's lives. I was supposed to be looking for jobs, instead I'm stuck at home, afraid of catching it and passing it on to my parents. Plus I miss hugging people. Gosh I miss a good hug😞 My husband isn't helping, he's so immersed in his own job that he doesn't seem to see me. Like he literally doesn't see me. Right now, to top it all off, he's upset with me for something I said a week ago, and he treats me like I'm not even there. I feel ugly and lonely and stuck and in pain and I desperately need a hug. And I feel useless, like an empty shell. Can't it just end? Can I just go to sleep one day and... that's it? At least all worries would stop and it wouldn't hurt anymore. I'm sorry everyone for the dark post, but this is the only place where I feel safe to say these things without being judged. I wish I had a picture of puppies to put here, to lighten the mood, but I'm in no mood to look for one. I don't seem to have any light in me. #Depression #Anxiety #covid19anxiety #Badthoughts #ineedhelp #INeedAHug

Can anyone relate? How do I stop this cycle of abuse? #INeedAHug #Abuse #AmIAlone #HowToFightDepression

#Acceptance #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia

I am made to feel like a lazy, selfish, “moocher” by my mom & dad. I would like to blame my parents’ ignorance due to their immigrant status and the general disregard for mental health issues in our culture. But at the same time, I feel like I’m making an excuse for my parents and their getting off “easy”. The sad thing is - my family doesn’t just make me feel that way - they have actually called me those names. How am I supposed to beat this or feel better without support? #INeedAHug #ineedhelp #Ineedsupport

My irrational and unlogicial anxiety is super flared tonight 😞 #AnxietyDoesntKnockFirst #Anxiety #HighlysensitivePerson #SaturdayNight #INeedAHug #MightyTogether