ihurt

I'm so fucking tired of the roller coaster. Stop the world I want to get off!

I'm missing my FP something terrible. It's killing me that she kicked me to the curb. Told me, "I don't have space for you in my life." She doesn't know I have BPD since I've only recently been diagnosed.

I don't know if I should send her information on this fucked up disease or let it slide a little longer. The shitty part is ... it's my daughter.

I was doing fine with her decision after I was crushed with sadness and overwhelming pain when she left me. It's been two months since we have spoken.

The crushing feelings came rushing back in after my granddaughter spent the night over the weekend. I miss her so so very much. I want to try and mend things, but hurtful words were spoken by me. She's not sure she can forgive me.

I have a lot of therapy to do before I can try to heal us. I'm not sure she'll ever forgive me. It goes back to over a year ago.

The only time she'd try to talk to me about it was when she was drunk. I'd hang up on her. You can't reason with a drunk. We just talked in circles so nothing ever got accomplished. Of course that was my fault too. (She said)

It'll never be the same between us and that's the part that hurts the most. I trigger her. It kills me knowing I trigger my daughter. She has to be drunk or high to just be around/talk to me.

It's really fucking hard right now.

#Depression #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #TheMighty #Lifesucks #ihurt #sad

#EDS #chronicmigraine #ChronicPain #ihurt #InvisibleIllness

The day started off pretty good; or so I thought...! Slower morning, took the kids to the creek to explore, then grocery shopping and some cleaning to get ready for my oldest daughter to come home for a quick trip. I guess I got a little carried away and forgot that I needed to rest from being in court the day before—again...because it’s after 2 am and I am exhausted and everything HURTS and meds aren’t working tonight.
#Fibromyalgia #PTSD #Anxiety #AutoimmuneDisorder #somenightsarereallyhard #ihurt #flare

My back is hurting so much. I had an adjustment today, but currently, it's only making things worse... The pain from my back alone is about a 7/10, almost drowning out all the other stuff I know hurts too. Almost. But instead no, I feel it all. Like I'm covered in this blanket of pain that I can never take off. But it decides when to completely swallow me, and when to just hang out on my shoulders while I go about life. College starting also brings with it the spectrum of mental AND physical illness flare-ups, and after today, only day 2 of the semester. I'm wondering how on earth I'm going to make it. I have an 8AM Biology class/lab tomorrow, and worse than just it starting at 8AM, my MCAS makes me allergic to the sanitizing chemicals we HAVE to spray on our work areas at the beginning and end of every class/lab. I'm so overwhelmed at the thought of it being like this every week for the next 16 weeks with only one small break in the middle... Can I be done now? Oh wait, no, it's only day 2... #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #ChronicPain #Headache #MastCellActivationDisorder #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #Fatigue #Depression #Anxiety #BackPain #College #ihurt