Lostinlonliness

I’m so lost. No one seems to know what’s going on in our district and the custodians are the last to know of an changes. Everyone is telling me something different and with virtual learning being the primary way students are learning I don’t really have any work yet I somehow have to find 5 hours of work to do...my patients is gone, and what’s last of my mental health is draining rapidly. This is garbage, what’s the point of any of this, to see how far they can push me until I just can’t anymore? What a great way to deal with this pandemic, keep your employees in the dark but threaten them if they don’t do what you expect them to do. #Lostinlonliness #Confusion #ConfusedAndHurt #CheckInWithMe

I feel intensely depressed, guilty, lonely, sad, frustrated, and many other things. I feel like it would be better for me to just disappear. More so than ever, I feel very, very alone in the world. Maybe the day of my leaving this world is better than me being alive at this point. If I died today, I could think of five people who would care, everyone else has seemed to forgotten about me or has left me behind for other people and things. Nothing really matters, not even myself. #Depression #MentalHealth #feelinglonely #FeelingEmpty #Feelingsad #feelingaloneandlost #Lostmyjoy #Lostinlonliness #lostinlife #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideIdeation #lowselfesteem #whybother #Guilt #Loneliness #frustration #moods #intenseemotions

I have a few people in my life that are severely depressed/suicidal. I don’t let it be obvious, but I know EXACTLY how that is, because I deal with my own despair, daily, hourly. The whole ‘be strong! ‘Push though it!’ Just isn’t cutting it. My inner cheerleader is dead. I think I’m just tired of the pointlessness. It’s funny how nothing literally matters, from an astronomical perspective...we’re not even a blip in the universe. Some ppl are just born fortunate, and then there’s suffering... #Depression #Anxiety #lost #Lostinlonliness

It’s taken me about an hour to write this as I keep going into a stare. Doctors told me that I’ve been on my antidepressants for to long (which I kept trying to tell them after 4 years!). So over the past few weeks I’ve been slowly reducing 150mg sertaline, to go into 20mg fluoxetine. The past 14 days I’ve had 3 friends of mine pass away. One on New Year’s Day, the other two on the 12th & 13th on the weekend just gone. I’m massively struggling to cope and I feel like I’m breaking. I can’t cope at work, I left half way through my shift yesterday and I’m struggling with the thought of going back tonight. Also thinking about taking time off for a week or two makes me break out into a anxiety attack. There’s never a good time to switch the antidepressants, I just wish they would work quicker! I just don’t know what to do anymore. There’s so much more I want to write but I feel like my mind won’t let me. #Depression #Sertraline #Fluoxetine #Antidepressant #Broken #Lostinlonliness #lost #notsuicidaljusttired

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