therapists

This is a bit of a PSA -
From what I have learned over this past year, right NOW is an excellent time to find your mental health support team.
I know that finding a therapist is a challenge and can seem so daunting. No calls back, no availability, insurance issues, etc.
But I do know that many, many people opt OUT of therapy during the summer. They feel better, they're on vacation, they want to go play instead of sitting inside talking about feelings!
There are open spaces on therapist's schedules!!
It reminds me of the Grasshopper & the Ant story from childhood --
It isn't a scary warning that WINTER IS COMING (we'll, maybe a little), but it is a reminder that, grey dreary winter months are coming so now is a great time to find a counselor and start building your positive mentality health routine.
I hope this advice might help someone! Take care 💌

Can I let this old $$$$$ therapist- go- all I have been through, all I put my parents and family through/ no children / losing the love of my life-//my twenties in hospitals /they job & profession that I loved/ can I let all this go? All the loses? Can I let this go? I blame this old $$$$$ therapist.

Can I let this all go?

#Relationships #therapists #Friends

I hope I can continue to take responsibility when I upset others- I hope I can continue to apologize. Doing so doesn’t go along w my husband’s friends. They don’t care. They don’t care if they upset me.

To care how I affect others and be in the midst of the group of my husband’s friends would not work. They do not care. How could this be? I must be reading them wrong. I must be reading the entire situation wrong. How could people not care if they do mean things to other people. How could people not care if they upset others? I must be reading my husband’s friends wrong. It just could not be.

Please, I don’t want to go back to a state of not caring and blocking out my rude actions. I used to block out the entire situation. I don’t want to go back to that.

But, to care does not feel like it fits in w the friends my husband has known for years. Or is this just how I see things?

Being a person who cares. It think it brings w it a sense of instability when being around my husband’s friends. But, not being around my husband’s friends feels unsettling too.

Choices to be made.

Back when I was 25. I was a vibrant kindergarten teacher. I loved my job. There was another teacher put in my classroom. I had difficulty getting along w her. I complained to the principal. I complained to another teacher.

The principal took the other teacher out of my classroom. The teachers got very upset. I heard voices walking to my classroom the next morning. I was afraid to go to work.
I went to a diagnostic psychiatrist. He said I should go in the hospital.

At the time I knew nothing about psychiatry. I came back to work and told a teacher I had been in the hospital.

In the hospital the therapist/md/doctor changed everything about me. I had a toxic boyfriend. This md/psychiatrist/therapist help rid me of this toxic boyfriend. I then met another man who I fell madly in love w. This man asked me to marry him. The md/therapist/doctor when I told him this-this therapist said- “ I don’t think so.”

I started having a difficult time at work. I was a teacher- a teachers job doesn’t always go smoothly- the psychiatrist/md/therapist told me I should go in the hospital. I hated the hospital. I refused. Therapist said keep on going to work. Therapist dropped me immediately& gave me a new therapist, but I could not connect w her.

- I started to get very paranoid. I thought the teachers all knew my problem was my boyfriends. I started to ocd. I got confused as to the old me and the me this therapist devised. The old me I thought I wanted to be. I became very confused. I had trouble functioning.

I thought I had no support. When I told this doctor/ therapist I wanted to see my college friends- his reply was : “not yet.”

I did not marry this man. In the hospital the nurses drilled into us to trust your therapist. So, since this doctor didn’t think I should marry this man. This doctor never told me why I shouldn’t marry him. I did not marry him. I lost my job - I never understood what happens to me, so I could never make teaching work. Ever again. When I first saw this doctor I had minimal issues w my friends- college- that was never figured out- so I lost my college friends- I took a leave of absence and got very Sick - never to recover to the way I used to be.
Now I am as close to who I used to be as close as I can get. I get angry and bitter at times . So, I am not the person I was.
I do the best I can.

Life goes on. The voices I heard were because of this as well as prior behaviors I think. I would bury my feelings when I would do something upsetting up to this point.
Life goes on. I am married to a stable husband. No children. The marriage is platonic.

As time went on I experienced some delusions. This I believe was because I would bury my reactions to anything I did that was upsetting. I no longer have these.

I still have issues w my relationships today..

I do not know what would have happened if I went in the hospital that day.
I am bitter and angry for what has happe

Well, now I know what caused my delusions and voices when I was 25. Now @ 70 years young I look back.

Back before I heard voices and had delusions- when I did something upsetting instead of taking responsibility and addressing it- I would block it out, bury it.
The diagnostic psychiatrist I went to at the time said I should go in the hospital. I came out of the hospital a different personality then when I went in. Yes. I made decisions in the hospital. I had made decisions before in my life and it did not change my entire personality. The md/ doctor/therapist I saw knew I had no knowledge of anything psychiatric. Why did he change me? I could not have changed my personality w/o him.

I was doomed right then and there w my first hospitalization. I was changed and forever wanted the “ me” back that I once was. I also found a new boyfriend I was over my heels in love w. The doctor did not like this boyfriend if I am right on this. When I told the doctor this boyfriend asked me to marry him. This doctor said - “ I don’t think so”.
The doctor wanted me to go in the hospital again. I hated the hospital . I did not go in. And because of that doctor I did not marry that boyfriend. The losses were great. I lost my job, I lost my friends -I lost the boyfriend who was really a nice guy. I was forever altered.

Now- 50 years later- I still long for the “me”I once was. I am married and I have a stable marriage w no children -a platonic marriage . I still try to be the “ me” I once was and find resulting stability issues w the relationships I encounter.

I look now for emotional as well as physical health. I never heard voices except for that first time when I was 25.

I find taking responsibility for any upset I may have caused now only solves part of any emotional health problems. I have to concern myself w stability issues also. And for that I find the correct relationships are key.

I left a therapist last year, after 15 years. Boundaries were blurred, he was retiring soon, and from what he said he really never knew me. He has refused an attempt at getting a couple of closure apples. I have looked all over for a trauma therapist who works with DID...I can't afford private therapy. The search has turned up no one. Either they won't treat DID or they say I don't live in the right area (even though I am willing to travel and everything is virtual at this point)... even a program specifically for it. So I am left with a therapist that doesn't really know DID, isn't comfortable treating it, feeling rejected even though it is not personal I'm told. Meanwhile, I have all my parts with locked in trauma, I am lost and alone....no one wants to upset me by talking about the traumas but I need to...we need a therapist or at some point my brain is going to crack into more pieces than it already is....#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Therapist #therapists #needatherapist #whyme #CPTSD

These past few months have been a struggle because I’ve been dipping into depression again. The end of last year around October and beginning of this year up until March right when COVID started I seemed to be doing good and coping in healthy ways. I was in a good head space and had a therapist that was actually a good fit for me and then the end of the month he told me he would be leaving the center for a new job. Well since then I’ve been kind of silently spiraling downward into a depression and have not found a new therapist. I’ve been through quite a few and out of all of them he was maybe one out of 2 that actually helped me and was a good fit. I know I need to find a new therapist because I’m at a point of where I care but I don’t care. My coping has become unhealthy, the numbness at times becomes overpowering which at times scares me and just the fact that I’ve been self sabotaging which not just affects me but my marriage and my parenting. I’m just venting I guess but I just feel so apathetic and just craving to not be here. It’s like I know I need to care but I just can’t even muster it up. Just getting by on the basic day to day things that have to get done. I don’t know if that makes sense but I guess I’m just seeing that I need to talk but in a therapy like environment but just apprehensive about going on the hunt again to find and get to know a new therapist and figure out if it’s a good fit or not especially when I have limited options due to the kind of insurance I have. I just feel drained just thinking about it.