OnedayAtaTime

On this Monday as I wait for sleep to get here (it is now 4:07am)… I just wanted to give a shout out to my little Hunter baby here.

On December 17, 2022 I had every intention of adopting a doggy and giving him a home.m, not knowing that eventually I would see that I was wrong about me being the savior… he saves me every day.

If you have a wonderful furbaby like Hunter here, give them a big hug and a kiss on their head for they stick with us even when we are at our lowest.

If you don’t have a furbaby (yet), give the person you love or even the person who’s been by your side, never giving up a hug of appreciation.

Let them know how much we appreciate them being in our lives, even at times we might not show it.

Also, give yourself a hug, because YOU are one STRONG individual and I and Hunter believe in you.

#OnedayAtaTime #youmatter #youareloved #YouAreNotInvisible #YouAreAStrongWarrior

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve had a lot going on emotionally and physically. I’ve had to learn that it’s ok not to be ok no matter how others make me feel. If you’re struggling, I hear you and sending prayers and good vibes your way. #ChronicMigraines #OccipitalNeuralgia #Fibromyalgia #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #OnedayAtaTime

Mom passed 7 months ago and grief isn’t simple (for anyone). Since early May, my grief has tangled so tightly with my bipolar depression, anxiety, aging, chronic pain, and highly sensitive nervous system that I’ve been left with a knotted ball, growing heavier and heavier.

I move between rooms of our home, no routine, no logic. I will do one-quarter of a task before leaving for another spot where I’ll notice another thing to do and before it’s finished I retreat to the couch. It's a great deal like a Roomba (and if I could fit under the couch like the Roomba, I'd hide there some days).

In one room I will cry because I can’t tell if it’s a King sheet or a Queen and leave the bed unmade. So I'll pull out all my nice Sharpie markers to draw but then can't think of anything to doodle. So, I'll go for a walk only to turn back by the end of the street because I’m just too physically weak (or it’s much hotter than I thought). Eventually, I'll make it into my office to edit an essay but go online to research my local politicians instead. Soon I'll start crying again and go outside to pull weeds. On the porch, I’ll read a single paragraph of the same book I’ve started and stopped four times since Mom passed and then give up and take out the trash but not the recycles.

Perhaps it is post-pandemic, empty-nest, aging-brain induced ADD? I am certain my friends and family with ADD can relate to this Roomba feeling. Grief itself brings a disorientation as the brain accepts that someone should exist that does not anymore.

And while I’m not ready to call this thought "hope," at least today, in this moment, I find comfort in the ways of little Roomba:

move forward a little at a time,

spin away from obstacles to find another path,

be patient with the process, and

return to base to recharge your batteries.

#Bipolar #Grief #funwithanalogies #patience #Depression #OnedayAtaTime #Analogy #KeepMoving #rest

I used to wait on special occasions to wear certain clothes, perfumes, etc.. Then, I realized that every day is a special occasion and I should start living like it was. #ChronicMigraines #OccipitalNeuralgia #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #Anxiety #Depression #CheckInWithMe #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #OnedayAtaTime

Today this is me BANG ON !!!
I've been so crabbit , snappy and just irritable all day. I've not slept past few nights, my pain is the worst its been in a bit , back on crutches again because of how severe the pain from my back is and its causing me to limp and struggling walking or moving about,its also causing weakness in my right leg and side which is constant pain.I know I'm absolutely exhausted so this won't help it all and lack of sleep and overthinking really does heighten this feeling, but I've just felt so crappy all day.Was the kids first day of school holidays and felt all I done was moan,complain,snap or just be a rubbish mummy basically the full day.This resulted in them being bored or fed up at times so ended up fighting or bickering ,then not listening when I was trying to talk it through with them which made me even more frustrated just felt like I'd have been as well being completely invisible today .Now it's bed time and my MUMMY guilt, anxiety,disappointment in myself and sadness has well and truly kicked in .

I am in so much pain and so fed up of how much it effects my every day life,my physical and my mental and emotional health.Fed up struggling with things I use do have no issues with doing, Frustrated at the fact the kids can see I'm not like the mummy I was , I can't do the same simple things anymore,I am upset and down because I feel like a failure.

Well im sure it will be another painful,sleepless night of blaming,and ridiculing myself.
Tomorrow I just have to look at it as a fresh new day and try my best to make sure I don't end up doing a repeat of today's mood and then going to bed feeling the way I do now.
It's another reminder that this is just the way it is now ,and I will have difficult days and maybe I done too much at the weekend trying to think I could do the things I used to and I've obviously made my back worse.

Some days are harder than others and today was a really BAD and crabbit day.

All I can do is try my best tomorrow .

#Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #Parenting #GeneralParenting #CheckInWithMe #Selfcare #SkinCancer #COVID19 #longcovid #Upallnight #Insomnia #loveyourself #Bekind #OnedayAtaTime #AloneTogether