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Strong thunderstorm kinda day. Rosie sticks close to my side.
To ease her worry of thunder I asked Alexa to sing lullabies and discovered that the country genre soothes her SO much! Lol I like the morose kind of lullaby songs.
Since we got Rosie she is enamored with my singing. It surprises me to no end how she will wake out of a deep sleep when I start to sing. She loves it! And she makes me love it all the more too!
I use to sing All the time jamming out to all sorts of pop and rock. Once my pain got drastically severe at 17, all vibrations hurt from movement like others walking around to any musical sounds. I haven't jammed to music in a good decade (12years really).
My best friend who committed suicide when we were around 16, was a HUGE fan of Sinatra and bluesy tunes. He was in every play as soon as we were in high school. He adored music.
Unbeknownst at the time, he gained bipolar disorder with major Depressive disorder.
I was able to help him keep going for a few years but it was hard and he slowly distanced himself from everyone but me.
No one else knew what was going on with him. After he died, I had to explain to his family, my family, police, and other friends how bad things were for him.
They were all so very surprised. I knew he romantically liked me as soon as we met 4 years before. He wasn't shy about it but I hated it so much. I knew I would never like him back.
After a hard first year we became very dear friends.
He knew me so well. To this day he is the only one who could know as soon as any pain hit-before it became full body 24/7. It was so wonderful and was the first time anyone just got me when it came to pain.
That last day he came right out and asked me to be his girlfriend. After I said no he became mean and tried guilt and everything to get me to say yes. Before we had said goodbye after walking home I knew he wanted to make me kiss him and would have assaulted me if I hadn't run inside my empty house and locked the door.
That fear caused nightmares that lasted 10years. I saw every side to him. But his friendship is something I miss so much. Just to talk to him like the old days.
I know when I see him again many years from now when I die, I am going to give him a stern talking to and then hug him and tell him absolutely EVERYTHING he has missed.
Because of how he ended things, I avoided plays and singing. And then my pain severely increased and music became something I would use earplugs to avoid.
Now with Rosie bringing music back into my life in a happy wonderful way, it is like coming home after a long long journey. It is like I have my best friend back again to join in sorrow, pain, joy, and happiness.
For the first time in a LONG while, I feel a lightness in my step and a big smile on my face, just as is meant to be. ✨️
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